"Money is tight right now; I can’t just spend willy nilly on luxuries like housing and salaries!”…
Kant: When your girlfriend asks if her voice sounds annoying over Zoom, you do not hesitate to truthfully say “yes, indeed it does.”…
“Stay where you are, get comfortable, and continue to study hard. We’ll be here until December.”…
The Facebook Knight: “Columbia students, do better.”…
Bollinger declares himself the “Simba of this savannah.”…
"The higher your temperature, the more massive your disco stick.”…
Bollinger Cancels Classes Due to Coronavirus: Columbia Closes Campus, Creating Covid Conniption
by Nurasyl Shokeyev and Alex Horn
As of press time, several members of the Columbia Administration were spotted at JFK International Airport, wearing hazmat suits and waiting for a flight to Antarctica.…
One thing led to another, and my night, I am sorry to say, ended in the basement of Mudd.…
My body is being torn apart; not by hormones, but by the trauma of Andrew Yang leaving the presidential race. I'll never get my $1000 now.…
