Op-Ed: Buy Your Own God Damn Mini-Stapler, Lily


Hey Lily in my Intermediate French I class, yes I am talking to you: STOP ASKING TO USE MY MINI STAPLER. I’m sorry you’re too fucking lazy to walk down to the bookstore and buy your own, but that should not place the onus on me to provide you with staples for the rest of my life.

Letting you use my stapler for our French assignments was one thing, but now you’ve started using it for your other classes, too. And I’m not even in them! First, you ask to use my stapler for our homework and I grudgingly agree. Then, right in front of me, you have the audacity to pull out your 10 page long CC paper and staple it as if you explicitly mean to torture me. My stapler can’t handle that kind of stress! It really shouldn’t be used to staple anything longer than 6 pages. And you just smile and say, “Thanks!” What a fucking farce.

Seriously, how much would it cost you to buy your own goddamn stapler? Maybe $5? So just go buy one and leave me and my mini stapler alone. I’m so serious right now. I will start charging you to use my stapler if you don’t. You have really been warned.

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