In Other News
“The bedroom where I wrote my admissions essay on how thrilled I would be to study the Iliad is the same room where I cried as I tried to get through the Iliad. Yeah, I’m no sophomore,” a member of the class of 2024 explained.
On Thursday the CDC issued a statement about the Delta Phi Epsilon COVID strain, warning that at 69%, it has the highest fratality rate of any known virus to date.
Worried that your pre-professional credentials may be taking a hit? Don’t worry, The Fed has your back. Here is our comprehensive guide to spinning your libertine activities into an impressive summer resumé.
Inferno: Canto I
Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.
“This is too firm, it can’t be real.”
Vaccinations are up, cases are down, and Hot Girl Summer is here. Want to get steamy this summer? The Fed and, more importantly, Columbia Housing have your back.
A court recently deemed that the microchipped Americans will be legally treated as the former couple’s children, raising numerous difficult questions as to how custody over so many will be decided.
College freshman, just got dumped: IN THIS ECONOMY?! Yeah that’s nasty—have a quick cry, burn something small scale (think bookcase not house) and move on from them. Don’t even associate them with this album.
Students who do not register for interim housing will be expected to check out and then check back in 30 seconds later, before completing 53 covid gateway tests and filling out 518 travel forms. They will also be placed on conditional probation.