Carman Resident Plans to Masturbate Himself Into Coma Over Spring Break

In the hardest hitting Bwog article of the year, Carman resident Grant Menendez SEAS ‘19 revealed his plans to masturbate himself into a coma over spring break. “I’m thrilled about the prospects of a whole week without a roommate,” Menendez stated in the piece. “I have been preparing myself both mentally and physically to jerk off to a potentially fatal degree. I am aware of the risks involved, and I am ready for the consequences.” As of press time, the Guinness Book of World Records had not yet responded to Menendez’ request to have a Guinness official present.